Beautiful Struggle
Written by Karl Lawrence / Photos by Dondre Green
nightmares in broad daylight with my eyes wide open
only if
this was
just a dream
aunty got cancer screaming she’s dying
all times of the night
difficult to deal with i must admit
living this way
sometimes i get discouraged
in my quiet moments i spend alone
feeling like
nobody really understands my ambition
this radical i got inside of me
but i can't afford to see a psychologist anymore
so i write down
in between the sheets of my diary
all these feelings
i otherwise
would never get the chance to express
sometimes i get discouraged
cuz
sickness
misery
ignorance and death
surround me on all sides when i step outside
yes i’m busy trying to break the cycle
but any time i try to change for the better
it’s my own people that stand in my way
everytime …
only child
watching my own mother deteriorate
squinting her eyes like she’s going blind
on all types of medication
wishing she’d find a way to shake the weight off and maybe come up off those motherfucking
cigarettes cuz lately
we been trading places in hospital beds like it’s a game of musical chairs
plus my father stares at me like he wanna push me off the planet
we exchange hate
sometimes i get discouraged
tired from all the thinking and planning
mapping my way out of this maze
counting down dog days
frustrated frothing at the mouth
from bad breaks and the setbacks common to a young black male
not knowing when it will happen for me
watching all these dumb rappers play monkey for the camera
doing numbers on the billboard
i guess the crackers not interested in your story unless you live in the projects
sell drugs and represent a set
i got to question why is that they don’t want us to be intelligent?
but in the meantime
you could find me
still grinding
on the street selling paperbacks of special k
far away from any media attention
sleeping on a mattress in the basement waiting for my day to come
on the pavement trying to make my way
cuz I got something to say so why should i lie down and be quiet?
i’m no choir boy with his nose in the bible
i’m more of the type to start the fire
write words to spark your mind
feel like my purpose in life is to be like the light from a candle in the dark
or that distant voice telling you that it’ll be alright when you can’t see past your challenges
sometimes i get discouraged but I still get up
stick my chest out to the test and give my best to it
bring my guts to it to get through trying times
trials and tribulations
remember that faith is the bridge over troubled waters when you get discouraged
because i know i do
so i’m just here to remind y'all
that the
struggle itself
is
beautiful